Garry Marshall may think he’s crafted a romantic, feel good film, but this is also a man who thinks you need two Rs to spell Gary. This year, Marshall saw fit to direct and, worse, actually release the tangled, heartless mess of a film that we know as Valentine’s Day. Jump back, Dolemite, there’s a new sploitation in town, and as Pete Travers so aptly noticed, it bears the initials VD. It seemed like thousands of stars lined up to put forth zero effort in this two hour crapfest, paycheck hungry stars like Julia Roberts (utterly wasted), Bradley Cooper (flat and useless), Patrick Dempsey (stupid and useless), Topher Grace (useless, stupid and lame) and Anne Hathaway (annoying and unbelievable and useless)- in fact, let’s chalk up everything in this film up as useless and awful except for a genuine and radiant Jennifer Garner and a surprisingly authentic Ashton Kutcher. Bravo for actually being kind of good and having a bit of natural, non steamy, realistic chemistry, you two. It doesn’t bode well for you when the high point of your entire film involves Michael Kelso, Mr. Marshall. Valentine’s Day was a Valametine’s Dud. Totally crrappy.
Note: Don’t even get me started on the Taylors… Young love has never been more unbearable.