What movie was that...?

15 April 2010

The Room

directed by Tommy Wiseau

Tommy Wiseau’s The Room is a paradox in that no amount of praise can do it justice and, conversely, no amount of ridicule can do it justice, either. Wiseau’s famously terrible film is as incompetent and brilliantly entertaining as they come, revolving around a bizarrely bizarre love triangle, breast cancer that is only mentioned once, then never brought up again, and possibly some drugs. I’m foregoing my own take on the film, instead providing a whirlwind synopsis that I hope will help inform your decision. Let’s begin with a seemingly harmless question:
“What’s this film The Room about?”
Well…
So, the room is about this guy named Johnny and his fiancée, Lisa, and they live in this apartment where everyone comes to visit, but no one can stay longer than like 4 minutes. Now, all Johnny wants to do is get married and have little potato-skinned babies with Lisa, but she is cheating on him with his best friend Mark, who looks like Kenny Loggins circa his Danger Zone glory days but sounds like a cheap Owen Wilson impersonator. There’s also this kid named Denny who’s always barging in creepily and getting in on Johnny’s sexy pillow fights, but the two play catch in a horribly cramped and weird alley with a guy who makes the stupidest faces in cinema. Lisa’s mom gets breast cancer, then never talks about it again, and Lisa claims that Johnny hit her, so Johnny yells, “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!” For no reason, Denny gets attacked by a drug dealer in the worst roof scene blue screen ever, but Johnny fights him off, and then Johnny, Mark, Denny and Thomas Dolby play tuxedo catch, but apparently the wedding doesn’t happen afterward (so why the hell were they wearing tuxes?). Johnny says “Hi Denny,” and “Bye, doggy,” Mark says “Johnny’s my best friend” like three thousand times, and then Johnny yells “You all betray me!” at his party. And there are a bunch of pictures of spoons all over the place. I am not going to spoil any more for you, but I have to urge you to see this gem for yourself, and if you live in Southeast Michigan, The Burton will be featuring it monthly at midnight. For those of you who hate the film, you can keep your stupid thoughts in your pocket!

You're tearing me apart!

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