What movie was that...?

06 August 2010

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

directed by Rod Amateau

Against my better judgment, I am going to proceed with a review and, even worse, a recommendation that you all get the hell out there and see Rod Amateau’s trash classic (no pun intended. The film is trash in every way.) testament to commercialism, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Before the Buckheimers of the world were squeezing blood from the stones of Disney rides and video games, and back when The California Raisins were spitting rad verses about the local library (Books! Check em out!), the series of collectable cards featuring gross out personalities, usually with some sort of physical deformity, were being traded and amassed by youth lucky enough to have parents who didn’t give enough of a shit to censor how their children got their kicks. The plot of the film makes an episode of Maury Povich seem like Masterpiece Theatre, and from the looks of the production value, I can only imagine that the reek of profit was enough to dreg all the money grubbers from under every rock in Hollywood. It’s the Twilight premise: Why spend more money and make the effects look cooler when every tween from here to Tokyo is going to see it anyway? Wow, BC, that way you talk about it, it sounds like the filmic equivalent of having a cavity filled. In all honesty, film lover, it’s no Citizen Caine. Hell, it’s not even a Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. But it is worth a viewing, especially since the taint of nostalgia is enough to make such filmic refuse as this seem palatable. It also makes a good drinking game.

Take a drink:
Every time Juice says “Creep”
Every Time Juice holds/smokes a cigarette.
Every time a Garbage Pail Kid does her/his signature move.
Every time the State Home for the Ugly is mentioned.
Every time Anthony Newley (Captain Manzini) tries to impart some shitty, folky piece of wisdom or observation about civilized society.

Audible drinking call (viewer’s discretion):
Every time Dodger stutters.
Every time an actor appears on the screen for whom this pile was a professional high water mark.
Every time some awful 80s fashion is present on screen.

You’ll be sauced in no time. Trust me.

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